Living a Life Free of Offense

A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11

Offense: annoyance or resentment brought about by a perceived insult to or disregard for oneself or one’s standards or principles.

I would ask if you have ever been offended but I know that is true for everyone. So easily we can be offended by either something or someone. Maybe someone said something that was insulting, or they made a comment that was offensive, or an action that you took personal. When God placed this topic on my heart, I was very surprised, yet very convicted. I had a huge reflection moment and it made me realize how much holding on to an offense can affect how we look at and treat others. We can’t properly love others as we are called, when we cling to offenses.

Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. Ecclesiastes 7:9

Being offended is connected to unforgiveness. It is also linked to the feeling that someone owes you something. It is a pride issue that goes against humility. When we look at the definition of offense, it can lead to a better understanding of how offense takes root. The definition tells us that it can be a ‘perceived insult’. That means you may feel some type of way and the person who offended you had no intention or thought that they were offending you. It is our response to what we assume about someone’s intentions. This is hard because, you hold on to something, and that person has no idea. that you are harboring those feelings (in some cases). When we are offended, we feel as though we have been disregarded or disrespected and in some cases that is true. I know sometimes we feel like our feelings are being ignored, which leads to an even bigger annoyance. I believe in some ways we hold on to offenses so tightly because we don’t want to feel mistreated or disregarded. We want to stand on business when it comes to our dignity and respect. We have an expectation that our feelings are always top priority. And while yes, we have a right to our feelings, we can’t allow our feelings to drive us. We also have to remember that sometimes are feelings are not facts. They are a good indication of what’s happening on the inside but not always a reflection of reality.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31

If we are not careful, we will let our feelings lead us to act in ways that are not Christlike. When we feel offended by something, we should start by asking ourselves, what about this situation made me offended? Why did this hurt my feelings?

A lot of times the answer to this can be found rooted in pride. Or possibly we feel as though something we love (i.e, beliefs, relationships, or image) is being threatened. More times than not, it can be linked to some unhealed traumas and pain. Being in a state where you are constantly irritated could indicate a need for some deeper self-reflection.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. James 1: 19-20

God made us to live in a world full of people that are different from us. People are different by sex, beliefs, cultural background, interests, life experiences, political views, and more. We can learn about people and ourselves by being in community. Having a conversation with a co-worker made me realize, that I was easily offended by certain conversation topics. I noticed my demeanor and mannerisms would change. As the day went on, I became convicted in my spirit. I realized, that not only was I making assumptions, but also sometimes the truth can sting a little. I do not believe the person had any ill-intention but instead revealed an unaddressed wound in my heart.

When we are in relationship with God, He speaks to use through many different ways. I believe in that moment, God wanted to show me something that was in my heart. Holding on to offense was keeping me from remaining Christlike in all situations.

Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs. Proverbs 10:12

When we choose to hold on to an offense, we are giving the enemy a playground to cause more strife. He knows that when we are in a state of offense and irritation, he can use that moment to drive more negative thoughts and feelings into our hearts. It hardens our hearts to the voice of God.

“In your anger do not sin” Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:26-27

How can God use us to show his love when we haven’t forgiven people? God wants us to reconcile with others just as He reconciled us to himself. God wants us to take our feelings back to him. Spend some unhurried time with God and allow him to reveal to you how to deal with offense. We have to remember that it’s not all about us, but all about God. Try not to take everything so personal, and don’t let pride cloud your perspective and judgment. Our feelings are fickle and our thoughts can be sinful.

Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. Hebrews 12:14

Not only that, but holding on to wrongs, can have an effect on our mental and even physical health. A study showed that releasing feelings of rage can help the body heal of sicknesses. It is within our control of how we respond to others.

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